Champagne Corks vs Spiders

Are you ever in a room celebrating and a friend whips out some champagne? Do you ever become slightly scared when you see your friend wrestling with the cork?

If you are anything like my aunt then you have a serious fear of spiders. She often kills herself with the amount of bug spray that she uses. If you are in the USA then you can utilize the chart listed below.

Random fact: You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider!

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Bug Out

Imagine that in the middle of the night you are awakened from your sleep and realize that the world has been destroyed either by zombies, earthquake, meteor, water, etc. You now need to get out and survive. If you were lucky enough to store up in your house that’s great but if you house becomes leveled, well there goes your supply! 

If you have not heard of the term “Bug-out” then I am sorry and I have serious reservations on your likelihood of survival. However do not fear, I am here to explain it all.

 

Bug out – to move out of your position very quickly because your position has been compromised. 

Now that you know the terminology, now you need to pack your bug out bag. I have comprised a list of items that I believe will be helpful in surviving! Check it out and start collecting so you will be ready. 

1. Multi-tool – great to use in various situations and it does not take up a lot of room

2. Compass – do not just depend on the north star!

3. A map – because GPS means nothing if the system is down.

4. Flint and Fire starter – duh! You need a fire from time to time!

5. Crank/Solar Power AM/FM Weather Radio with flashlight and cell phone charger

6. 12 hour yellow light sticks – use if you need a small amount of light but if you have a crank flashlight then you should save them for important situations

7. Flashlight – preferably hand cranked because duh, batteries do not last forever!

8. Survival Knife – do I really need to explain this one?

9. Water Packs – just in case in the beginning but boil water that you find!

10. Water Purifying tablets – It is best to boil your water but you can use these as a last resort.

11. MREs – again great in the beginning but you should be finding alternative food sources. 

12. Compact folding binoculars – great for being on the look out.

13. Rope/Cord – cause you never know and partnered with a tarp makes a great make-shift shelter

14. Anti-diarrhea medication – diarrhea is worse than zombies so make sure you bring some along

15. Stainless steel canteen – because you can use it to boil water

16. An empty can – great to cook food in or boil water

17. Signal Mirror – to contact a rescue team

18. Safety Whistle – great for contacting others in your group

19. Survival Fishing Kit – you need a stable source a food and this is great to have

20. Camp Axe – you need to be able to cut firewood amongst other things

21. Folding Shovel – gotta use it to dig a hole for waste

22. Roll of duct tape – duct tape can always save a lot of problems

23. Tarp – great for a makeshift shelter

24. Ponchos – they are great to use to avoid getting wet

25. Survival guide – unless you already know how to you might as well have a guide to help you

26. Deck of Cards (for boredom – gotta keep yourself sane one of the most important things to have!)

Oh yeah, a gun might be nice!

The most important thing to remember is that with the right gear you can survive in anything!

Good luck and remember to survive!



Twitter: Professorwhite
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Tattoo Protection

As you all know, I often have paranoid thoughts about a serial killer killing me with piano wire. 

Have you ever thought about putting a tattoo on the torso of your body with your name and contact information or even a QR Code. This is just in case you are chopped up; hands and head removed to make it harder or impossible to identify your body. 

I personally think even if you are against tattoos, everyone should get one on your torso to make sure that you can be identified after the serial killer chops you up! I will not lie, this may have been one of the reasons behind my tattoos.

Have you ever had this Morbid Moment?

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Best Zombie Killing Weapons

I know many people are mentally preparing for the zombie apocalypse so today I am going to explore weapons. I am tired of hearing about people saying, “oh, there are zombies, you shoot them in the head”. Well, duh,of coarse you do but many people I know do not own guns nor know how to shoot them. So…if the zombie apocalypse happens tomorrow what are you going to do with your lack of guns, because the average person does not have an AK47u or sniper rifle lying around. 

So one must be practical in their Zombie Apocalypse preparation because be honest if you go and raid a gun shop and do not know how to shoot the gun you are better off without the gun. Plus gun shots bring zombies!

So let’s look around your home and see what you can use as a weapon. I know we have all played zombie games and laughed at the ridiculous melee weapons but the reality is some of these make good weapons when you do not have a gun. Heck, Tyrese from The Walking Dead prefers a hammer and he was a beast!

1. Baseball Bat – My preferred weapon because it adds to your arm length. It is easy to wield and causes a great deal of damage. It is also effective when getting a few zombies of you by swinging wide. Reasonable Durability if wooden or aluminum bat.                                                                         

2. Gun – I figured I would put this on the list in case someone does have one. Guns are great, they allow for a kill from a great distance but they cause a lot of noise which may attract zombies and humans which is always a bad thing. Plus if you run out of bullets you are screwed.

3. Crowbar/Tire Iron – We all have these items in our car. They can be effective but it allows for Zombies to be a little bit closer for your kill. Great Durability. Zombie bite is a great possibility. 

4. Golf Club – While it is effective in bashing in a Zombie’s head, it is easily bent. It does add to your arm length which is essential when defending yourself from a zombie attack.

5. Basic Kitchen Knife – This will be an extremely close kill that requires a great deal of strength. Most Likely for a Zombie bite. 

6. Common Rake – Average item we all have in our yards but is great for swinging that fatal blow. May break after a few uses but allows for distance in your kill.

7. Cast Iron Pan – While it does not become bent easily, it will cause you to do an up close and personal kill which allows for a zombie bite to be likely. 

8. Axe – Allows for a moderate level of arm length. The possibility of a zombie bite is lower but make sure you wield with precision if you miss and the axe becomes embedded into something or the zombie you may run into some difficulties.

9. Chainsaw – I’m not quite sure how many people have these lying around their home but apparently after interviewing a few family members and friends, surprising more had them then I thought. This is a fantastic weapon in theory because while it will cut through your enemy, it runs on gas which if you run out you are screwed.

The most important thing to remember when surviving a Zombie Filled World is that anything can be used as a weapon when done right!

Twitter: Professorwhite

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Traffic Light Decapitation

Do you ever just find yourself sitting at a traffic light just staring off into the distance? Do you know that the average American will spend 38 hours sitting in traffic? Have you ever noticed that the wind is causing the traffic signal to swing really hard?

I always fear that this swinging traffic light will come loose and fly through my windshield and kill me.

Have you ever had this Morbid Moment?

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Zombie Types

Okay guys, I am back again to give you tips and tricks on how to survive the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. The first step is to know your enemy.

There are many ways a zombie can come about as you can ascertain from the above illustration but one must be prepared for how a zombie may attack.

There are four main zombie types as illustrated below. The last one is just for fun.

1. Crawler: This is a zombie that may have been attacked by a foolish human that did not know to go for the head and instead left the zombie with only part of a body therefore it must crawl to get to brains, hence the name crawler. Easiest Kill!

2. Shambler: These types of zombies are walking on a broken leg, ankle, or foot. They are slow moving and overall just creepy. These are the most creepiest to me, I can't stand watching them shamble on that broken foot. Easy kill!!

3. Walker: These are overall slow moving zombies. They are exactly what the name says, a walker. They are easy to kill but can be dangerous in a horde (an inordinately large group of zombies that are usually drawn together by sound, ie. gun shots). Moderate kill!!!

4. Runner: These are by far the most dangerous especially when they are intelligent zombies or are in a zombie horde. Do not try to outrun them, because guess what, they never get tired!!! Weapons and intelligence work best with these types. Hard Kill!!!!

I hope that you will take my advice to heart and start to prepare for the upcoming zombie attack.

Twitter: Professorwhite

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Siderodromophobia

Hey Guys,

Today you get two Morbid Moments for the price of one!

Are you ever driving your car and come up to a railroad crossing and worry if the warning system is not working. Especially when it is train tracks that you are constantly driving past and have yet to see a train cross. I worry that as I begin crossing that a train is going to come out of nowhere and take me out!

The next Morbid Moment that I always have is when I am driving under a overpass and see the train coming. I always think this is it, there is a penny on the tracks, it will derail, and take me out! (Yes I know a penny cannot derail a train, but still!)

Have you ever had these Morbid Moments?

*Side note the title means the fear of trains.

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The Beginning of the End

Hello Everyone,

As you have enjoyed this blog that runs towards the morbid, I have been experiencing constant requests for how to survive the apocalypse. It is 2012 so might as well give tips and tricks on how to survive if you were to face zombies, severe weather changes, massive killing disease, the world being covered in water, etc.

While I will get to exploring food and necessary gear of survival I just want to first explore what you should do when the world first comes to an end.

The first thing to do is decide if you are going to post up where you are at or if it is safer to leave. I always planned to find a Super Walmart which has food and guns and lumber so I can board it up and defend it.

The most important thing to remember when the apocalypse starts is that you should trust no one. It is every man for himself and that your fellow man is the most dangerous thing in the now destroyed world.

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Right vs Left

Hey Right-handed people, do you ever get annoyed by the arrogance of left-handed people? Did you ever get annoyed with that kid in your elementary class that whined about not having the left-handed scissors? Well here is a random fact to help you feel better.

Random Fact: Over 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year using products made for right-handed people.

So do not fear right-handed people, they are being wiped out slowly but surely!

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